What if my teenager finds SPACE language cringy?

One thing I often discuss with parents is that many teenagers, particularly autistic young people, ADHD teenagers, or those who have had previous therapy, can find some of the traditional anxiety language used in SPACE a little awkward or "cringey."

Phrases such as:

"I know anxiety is talking right now."

or

"I can see OCD is telling you..."

can feel unnatural, overly therapeutic, or simply not fit with how some teenagers understand themselves.

This doesn't mean the principles of SPACE won't help.

It often means we need to adapt the language.

For many teenagers, a neuroscience-based explanation feels more respectful, logical and empowering.

Rather than saying:

"Your OCD wants reassurance."

we might say:

"It sounds like your amygdala alarm system is firing right now."

Instead of:

"Let's not listen to the anxiety."

we might explore:

"What might help your nervous system realise you're safe?"

Or:

"Your brain's threat system seems to be working overtime today. How can we help it settle?"

The goal remains exactly the same.

We are helping the young person recognise that feelings of danger do not always mean they are in danger, whilst building confidence in their ability to tolerate uncertainty and discomfort.

Many teenagers respond positively when they understand that their brain is trying to protect them, even when the alarm system has become a little overprotective.

Whether we talk about OCD, anxiety, the amygdala, the nervous system, the threat response or the brain's alarm system, the message remains:

"I can see this feels difficult. I'm here with you. And I believe you can cope."

Often it is not the words themselves that matter most, but the confidence, compassion and belief that sits underneath them.

The goal is not to find the perfect therapeutic phrase. The goal is to help the young person understand what is happening inside them, feel supported rather than judged, and develop confidence that they can cope with discomfort without needing anxiety or OCD to make the decisions.

With love

Fiona Killick

Integrative Psychologist and Psychotherapist

The Little Bird House