How the SPACE Model Helps Parents Support Children with Anxiety & OCD

A practical, compassionate approach for families

If your child struggles with anxiety or OCD, you may feel like you’re constantly trying to reassure, fix, or prevent distress—only to find that the worry comes back stronger.

Many parents I meet say things like:

• “I just want to help them feel better.”

• “If I don’t reassure them, they get so distressed.”

• “We feel stuck in the same cycle every day.”

This is exactly where the SPACE model (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) can help.

What Is the SPACE Model?

SPACE is a parent-based approach designed to reduce anxiety and OCD in children by changing how parents respond to anxiety-driven behaviours.

Rather than focusing on getting the child to change first, SPACE helps parents to:

• Reduce accommodation (things we do to ease anxiety in the moment)

• Increase supportive, confident responses

• Help children learn they can cope—even when things feel hard

  
  

What Do We Mean by “Accommodation”?

Accommodation is anything we do to reduce our child’s anxiety in the short term.

For example:

• Reassuring repeatedly (“It’s fine, don’t worry”)

• Helping with rituals (extra washing, checking, avoiding)

• Changing plans to prevent distress

• Answering the same questions over and over

These responses come from care and love—but they can unintentionally keep anxiety and OCD going.

The Key Shift: From Fixing to Supporting

In the workshop, we explored one of the most important ideas in SPACE:

We are not trying to make anxiety go away in the moment—we are helping children learn they can handle it.

This involves a powerful but challenging shift:

Old Pattern	SPACE Approach
Reassure	Validate + set a boundary
Remove distress	Stay alongside distress
Solve the problem	Help child tolerate not solving
Short-term relief	Long-term resilience

What Does This Look Like in Real Life?

Instead of saying:

“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.”

Parents learn to say:

“I can see this is really hard.I’m not going to answer that question again.I believe you can handle this—and I’m here with you.”

This combination of:

• Validation

• Clear boundary

• Confidence

is at the heart of SPACE.

Why This Works for Anxiety and OCD

Anxiety and OCD are maintained by a cycle:

1. A trigger (thought, situation, feeling)

2. Anxiety increases

3. The child seeks reassurance or avoids

4. Anxiety reduces temporarily

5. The brain learns: “I need that behaviour to cope”

Over time, this cycle gets stronger.

SPACE gently interrupts this loop by:

• Reducing reassurance and accommodation

• Allowing anxiety to rise and fall naturally

• Teaching the brain:

  “I can cope—even when I feel anxious”

  
  

What About Neurodivergent Children?

Many of the families I work with include children who are autistic and/or ADHD, and the SPACE approach can be adapted to support them effectively.

In the workshop, we emphasised:

• Using clear, concrete language

• Providing predictable structure (“first… then…”)

• Acknowledging sensory experiences

• Reducing verbal overload during high anxiety

• Offering limited choices to increase a sense of control

  
  

Importantly:

We don’t remove the challenge—we make the path through it clearer.

What Parents Practised in the Workshop

During the session, parents:

• Identified their own accommodation patterns

• Practised SPACE-aligned phrases

• Learned how to respond as anxiety:

  • rises

  • escalates

  • peaks

  • reduces

• Worked through real-life scenarios such as:

  • School anxiety

  • Reassurance seeking (“Am I okay?”)

  • Repetitive apologising

  • OCD behaviours (e.g. washing, checking)

• Developed a personalised plan for their family

  
  

One of the Hardest Parts

Many parents shared that the hardest moment is:

When anxiety increases after they stop accommodating

This is expected.

It’s not a sign that something is going wrong—it’s often a sign that change is beginning.

The Role of Connection & Repair

A key part of SPACE is maintaining a strong relationship, even when setting limits.

After a difficult moment, parents are encouraged to reconnect:

“That was really hard.I could see how overwhelmed you felt.I love you, and I’m on your side.I didn’t help with that because I want to help you get through this.”

This helps children feel:

• Safe

• Understood

• Supported—even without accommodation

What Changes Over Time?

With consistency, children begin to:

• Ask fewer reassurance questions

• Tolerate uncertainty more

• Move on from “stuck” thoughts more easily

• Build confidence in their ability to cope

And parents often feel:

• Less trapped in cycles

• More confident in their responses

• More connected to their child

  
  

A Simple Starting Point for Parents

If you’re beginning to use SPACE, start with one small step:

• Choose one behaviour (e.g. repeated reassurance)

• Plan one response

• Practise it consistently

  
  

For example:

“I can see you’re worried. I’m not going to answer that again. I believe you can handle it—and I’m here.”

Final Thought

Supporting a child with anxiety or OCD can feel overwhelming—but you don’t have to remove every difficult feeling to help them.

By staying calm, consistent, and connected, you are helping your child build something far more powerful than reassurance: confidence in themselves.